During my 30th birthday party I gave a toast to everyone who was able to attend as it was very important for me to honor those that have contributed to the women I am today. When I talked about my friend Jade I told everyone that she “gave me the most healing love advice when I was in the midst of heartache that she learned by being with Mark (her boyfriend).”
After keeping that advice to myself for nearly a year now, I think it is time to share.
(But first I must confess… as much as I fear not being enough there are moments I fear being too much. Now back to my story…)
I had been dating this boy for a month who was “perfect on paper.” We lived in different cities but our time together was during my heavy travel season which means I still saw him multiple times a week.
Both of our lives were crazy and he began to be fickle – one of my least favorite traits. I learned in my last relationship to say what I am thinking/feeling/wondering instead of making the person guess or hold them to an unknown expectation. So I did… I talked to him about the fickleness and he disappeared.
Ghosting… another thing I hate.
I was at Jade’s house for one of her lovely dinner parties and as I went to leave a little early she stopped me at the door as she could tell something was wrong.
In her hallway, with laughter and drinks clinking around the corner, she paused to be there for me and tell me this:
When it’s the right person – you can’t do something wrong. You aren’t too much. With Mark, she learned that you can mess up or not be perfect and that person will still care for you the same. With the right person, there isn’t such a thing as calling too much or asking too much.
Instead, being with someone should make you feel more able to be yourself – at your best and your worst, not less. When you are with the right person there is this safe space to be who you are, as well as dream and grow to who you want to be.
This was something that I desperately needed to hear as I was beating myself up for being too forward in making a request of my needs. I thought I had made the mistake of being too much.
It was only last week when I was reminded of this advice. As I was talking to a friend about a girl he recently began seeing he confessed to me, “I really like this girl. I am really nervous about messing something up.” In that moment I attempted to channel Jade to give this same reassuring advice but I secretly feared the same in one of my relationships. Perhaps this post of Jade’s advice is as much as a reminder for me as it is for you and my friend.
So what do we know? It’s going to be okay.
There are people out there for you that will be there… even when you fear you may be too much.