The Rules to Matchmaking
I love introducing friends to each other that would not have any other way of meeting but may have some sort of chemistry. Even though I average one set up a month, I am yet to make a love match. The closest I got was a set up that dated for a few months and then parted ways. I may not be Patti Stanger but my friends keep allowing me to set them up, so I must be doing something right.
I have two ways that I do set ups and I thought I would share…. for the selfish reason that people who keep trying to set me up will do so more successfully. Yes, this post is purely selfish but dating is exhausting and if my friends insist on matchmaking, it’s time we do it right.
Undercover Set Up: Preferred Matchmake
I believe the best match is one that you let happen naturally. It removes expectations and the need to “perform”, it allows people to be themselves.
- Ask permission: Not everyone likes to be set up. Always ask the person if they wouldn’t mind be connected to someone you think they would enjoy being around.
- Find out what the person likes/is looking for: I have an idea of what you like but I could be wrong. Find out who the person is attracted to and be okay that it may not be who you had in mind.
- Schedule the set up … under wraps: Group happy hours and outings is the perfect way to introduce friends. Everyone is in good moods and generally talkative.
- Don’t force it: I struggle with this step the most, but you have to get out of the way and allow whatever may happen to happen.
- Follow up: If it appears that all went well, then I follow-up with both parties to get their take on the other person. If one or both parties isn’t into it, I move on, but if both found the other person agreeable then I connect.
- Connect: I am an old-fashioned girl, I believe the guy should make the first move for a date. In a perfect setting, the guy will have already gotten the girls number and asked to see her again when they met at happy hour but it doesn’t always work that way. Instead, more often than not, I will ask the guy if he would like her phone number or for me to set up another group outing.
Traditional Set Up
This can happen in a group setting or one-on-one. Either way, both parties know the intentions of the meeting.
- Ask permission
- Find out what the person likes/is looking for
- Schedule the set up: This can be a group happy hour or a one-on-one date. I would defer to your best judgement, your matches comfort level, and how confident you are that they are a match. Personally, I like the one-on-one meeting as a group happy hour can feel intense as it may feel like everyone is watching.
- Don’t force it
- Follow up
- Provide feedback: Although your intentions were good, it is very possible that the set up was not a success. It may be uncomfortable or awkward and a hard step for most people but I recommend graciously letting the other parties know. Chemistry is hard to master and by being honest and straight forward it allows the other person to move on.
Now you know my tips and preferred methods, get out there and introduce some friends…. let’s see what happens.